But to be fair I think I brought that feeling with me when I moved. And definitely was carrying it well before. Like you know that something big is going to happen to you. Sounds very glorifying I know. It's a non mathematical situation ( as my mate would say) where you have no idea how or why you just keep on pushing. Forward. Inner strength I heard it was called.
I keep on pushing.
And I go to class. Then I don't go. But I never waste my time. Days blend into one another and weeks come and go like temptation. I try to keep it all under control but the best lesson of the year was to learn what control actually meant. Letting go.
Because when I accepted that the same way I seem to unexplainably keep on breathing things around me kind of seem to be doing the same thing I took a decision. To coexist.
That way, everything kind of blends in together and the bigger picture in my head becomes harmonic. Ish.
Fuck. Its actually kind of comforting.