People say being a father is one of the hardest jobs. You have to protect your kid whilst also battering them because the world out there is so cold. Or wait, was it protect and love your children because the world will batter them enough?

My father is no longer the framework which I bounce in to see how far I can go. I would love to have his love and admiration, his respect. But he does not see things like this. I think he hates and or loathes us, blames us for something. It is the only reason I can think of why he doesnt call, or hug, or just chill.
He does not really respect himself but he still treats himself well.
He does not hang out with my grandma, just lives next to her and eats with her when he s hungry.
He will not change a single thing from his daily life to accommodate us.

My mother sees him, and I think she doesn't really care what she says because she has her boyfriend Paul and at the end of th day they have each other and the television, so they block anything to do with my father or us.

Sometimes I wish I had no father as at least that would bring me closure. What I am struggling with is the illusion of having a father, and then being continuously manipulated and left on the edge because you do not obey the family system.

This family does not enjoy one another- They enjoy the security of acting normal or how things are supposed to be, whilst completely avoiding the main purpose of being together, which is love.

This leaves me feeling completely alone and alienated, when Jess and I are probably the most normal of all.